baltic | the art blog of photographer emma kisiel

esquire

2012-02-20T09:02:00.007-07:00

today (tomorrow?), at rest was featured on esquire.ru.

for some reason my work seems to have gotten a lot of attention in russia in the past few years. i always love reading russian google translations.

very cool!

http://esquire.ru/photo/atrest
https://www.facebook.com/Esquire.Ru

lenscratch

2012-01-27T19:49:00.003-07:00

today, my work was featured on aline smithson's blog, lenscratch.
this is huge for me. i could not be more excited.

http://www.lenscratch.com/2012/01/emma-kisiel.html

fukushima's animals

2012-01-26T20:49:00.004-07:00

Inside Fukushima Exclusion Zone, Japan (CNN) -- When you stand in the center of Japan's exclusion zone, there is absolute silence. The exclusion zone is the 20-kilometer (12-mile) radius around the crippled Fukushima nuclear plant, an area of high radiation contamination.

On March 12, the day after the quake and tsunami hit, 78,000 people were evacuated out of this area, believing they would return within a few days. As such, thousands of people left with their dogs tied up in the backyard, cats in their houses and livestock penned in barns.

Nearly a year later, animal carcasses litter the region.

Cows and pigs starved to death, their bones still in pens. Dogs dropped dead with disease. A cat skull sits on a neighborhood road.

This is perhaps an inevitable outcome to a nuclear emergency, but animal rights activists call it an outrage.

"It's shameful," says Yasunori Hoso with United Kennel Club Japan. "We kept asking the government to rescue these animals from the beginning of the disaster. There must have been a way to rescue the people and the animals at the same time following the nuclear disaster at Fukushima."

Japan's environmental agency tells CNN the government's position has been to rescue as many livestock and animals possible. But it points out that because of the risk posed to people entering the contaminated area, the government has chosen to take a prudent attitude toward animal rescue.

Last December, the government allowed animal rights groups like UKC Japan to enter the exclusion zone and rescue any surviving animals. Hoso entered with his members, carrying cages and food.

On one of those days, Hoso's group approached a house. A six-week-old female puppy lay dead in the living room in a pool of blood. It appeared to have died from disease. From the back of the house, the UKC volunteers heard weak barking. The puppy's two brothers were still alive, hiding in another part of the house. They were traumatized and afraid of the rescuers, having never been around people before. The volunteers soon rounded up their mother.

Those dogs now reside at the UKC Japan shelter near Tokyo. 250 dogs and 100 cats, all from the exclusion zone, live in cramped cages at the shelter. UKC Japan, which survives on donations, says it has tracked down 80% of the owners.

But that hasn't meant the animals can reunite with owners. Shelters and temporary apartment housing have not allowed the owners to live with their pets, Hoso said.

Unfortunately, he added, the owners can't live with their animals because they are homeless themselves.

stills from the video.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/26/world/asia/fukushimas-animals-abandoned-and-left-to-die/index.html?iphoneemail

alex arzt

2012-01-25T12:17:00.003-07:00

from "human-animal."
http://alexarzt.com/

rowan dg corkill

2012-01-13T20:52:00.001-07:00

"portrait of a species."
i think these are kind of great.

http://rowandgcorkill.com/

walton ford

2011-12-23T20:58:00.008-07:00

Watch Humor on PBS. See more from ART:21.

i saw the book "pancha tantra" at ironwood on broadway tonight &was completely blown away by this artist. seriously, so in love with this work. this (&just falling in love with audubon all over again) made me LOVE art &feel so inspired to make some new work!
most images are from here.

ohio animals

2011-12-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/nov/04/ohio-police-faced-charging-animals

i still think about this.

the digital age

2011-12-14T11:12:00.001-07:00

Wolf values his wet darkroom years, however, and feels it enhances his digital work. "I've noticed that younger people who have never worked in the darkroom have a great deal of difficulty working on an image, to focus on important things. It's very subtle what you can do by just darkening certain areas--focusing attention on certain parts." Yet, regarding the insinuation of computers into photography and into our everyday lives, he notes, "I think everyone's computer time has increased dramatically, and sometimes I get fed up because I'm spending hours and hours every day in front of a monitor, and life is more than that."

Michael Wolf

"The Digital Age: Color Fully Realized," Color, September, 2009.

BFA thesis reception

2011-12-13T12:47:00.007-07:00

installing
iphone

iphone

photo by daniel evan garza

photo by daniel evan garza

photo by daniel evan garza

isa leshko

2011-12-12T23:23:00.004-07:00

Elderly Animals: Photographs by Isa Leshko from Mark & Angela Walley on Vimeo.

http://www.isaleshko.com/

elizabeth rose eiten

2011-12-08T08:22:00.003-07:00

http://www.elizabetheitenphoto.com/

website update

2011-12-05T10:25:00.006-07:00

website is updated with new &final images &final sequencing of "at rest."
10 images from this series are in the UCD BFA thesis show at the emmanuel gallery through this friday. see the exhibition monday-thursday 10-6 or friday 10-4. there is a reception thursday, the 8th, from 4 to 7 :)
http://balticphotography.com/index.php?/projects/at-rest/

bear kirkpatrick

2011-12-04T22:26:00.004-07:00

i saw the second image printed at the reception for a show i have work in in fort collins. it's an absolutely gorgeous print &the image really struck me. i'm not particularly interested in the rest of the series, but you can see it on the artist's website.
http://www.bearkirkpatrick.com/

finally

2011-11-27T20:29:00.010-07:00

last night at 7:30, one of my classmates posted on my facebook page, "Dead fox on hampden on the off ramp to broadway headed east. It just happened!" now, the sun sets around 3 in the afternoon now (i hate daylight savings time) but regardless we got in my car &drove down there. we found it easily, parked my car, &without thinking twice walked onto the off ramp, dragged the fox off the road, picked it up, &put it in the trunk of my car.

our best friends live very close by &were gracious enough to let us keep it in their shed until morning. we spent the night &woke up at dawn to set up &shoot.

can't say i have ever handlred a rigor mortis animal this intensely before, but the bag we put the fox in for the night made its body into this shape.

i was able to gently form it into this.

i have been consciously searching for a fox every second of every car ride since i began this project in march. i'm not saying the project is done, but it does feel like i've hit a huge milestone, &something feels complete.

thank you, freezing cold boyfriend, for helping me through it all.

good things

2011-11-25T20:55:00.003-07:00

not to mention, this now belongs to me &my soon-to-be-live-in-boyfriend (thanks to his wonderful parents, &the fact that we are graduating from college).

spe regional conference, santa fe, day 2

2011-11-24T08:45:00.005-07:00

andy bloxham
http://www.andybloxham.com/

jessamyn lovell

clare elizabeth benson
http://www.clarebenson.com/
(i only caught the very end of this talk, but i am really interested in her work.)

joel-peter witkin
http://www.edelmangallery.com/witkin.htm

robert parkeharrison
http://www.parkeharrison.com/

spe regional conference, santa fe, day 1

2011-11-23T16:50:00.006-07:00

kerry skarbakka
http://www.skarbakka.com/

stephanie bruna, daniel coburn, rachel cox, lauren greenwald, colby sempek, &jamie kovach, UNM grad students discussion panel
really, really good to see/hear.

bridget murphy milligan

eugenia parry

jo whaley
http://www.jowhaley.com/

mary virginia swanson &lisa robinson
http://mvswanson.com/
http://www.lisamrobinson.com/
my favorite talk of the day. so inspiring!

patrick nagatani

angilee wilkerson

2011-11-19T08:57:00.003-07:00

my favorites from "happenings: the wondrous prairie."
i saw the final image in print at the center for fine art photography in fort collins when i was dropping off my work there, &i was struck.
http://www.angilee.com/

one hour photo

2011-11-18T09:17:00.003-07:00

i recently remembered that this movie existed while i was doing thesis research &i found this quote, "According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word 'snapshot' was first used in 1808 by an English sportsman by the name of Sir Henry Hawker. He noted in his diary that almost every bird he shot that day was taken by snapshot, meaning a hurried shot, taken without deliberate aim. Snapshot, then, was originally a hunting term."
i saw it in the theater in 2002 with my dad, &we both really loved it. i hadn't &still haven't seen another movie that shows a mini-lab like this! this sealed the deal for eighth grade me really wanting this as a first job. i'm bummed it never happened. i would have loved to work in a photo processing lab when people were still making snapshots with film cameras.

seriously the best performance by robin williams.

squirrel

2011-11-15T11:35:00.005-07:00

for about a year now, i have been making cell phone pictures of roadkill i have found on my ride to campus, specifically on the bike path, from above, with the tips of my feet in the frame. i think it is absurd how many animals are run over by bicycles on the path. it just seems silly to me. how do you run over a pigeon or a rat on your BICYCLE?!
thursday i rode past a furry squirrel tail, pulled off to the side of the path, walked back, &snapped a picture. then i realized the squirrel was still breathing, like little pops every five seconds.

for some reason i felt conflicted. i called nathaniel about a thousand times (his phone has been broken for weeks) before he answered &advised me not to pick it up because it might bite me, but drag it off the path. i sat with it for a long time while runners ran right by &bicyclists zoomed past, sometimes running over its tail. its eye socket was so swollen, i think its eye was missing, &blood was dripping from its nose. it was so, so sad to look at. so i dragged it off the path by its little tail &it didn't fight at all, just twitched its little ear (i carry all kinds &sizes of bags in my backpack for occasions like this). i tried to cover it up with some long blades of grass so it could at least die in some peace. on the ride back after class i stopped to check on it. it was dead.
it was such a strange &surreal experience. in all the roadkill i have photographed in all my years of photographing, i have never experienced anything like this. i haven't really been able to stop thinking about it.

i do have some exciting news &things to post from SPE last weekend. i will do that soon, after this paper-writing extravaganza dies down.

yasser aggour

2011-11-09T17:32:00.001-07:00

saw this artist in light work. there is nothing online. i just didn't want to forget this work exists.

mark making

2011-11-02T09:55:00.002-06:00

stumbled upon, from freshman year at MICA.

raccoons

2011-10-31T09:36:00.003-06:00

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES FOLLOW.

working at the museum, i meet some pretty amazing people, including awesome volunteers who are interested in my work. a couple weeks ago, a volunteer, joann, called me to tell me she passed three baby raccoons dead on the road, so she went home to get her husband's camera &snap some pictures for me. she thought i could use them for my project. friday she brought me the prints. i can't believe she photographed this for me! how amazing would it be to have been able to build a memorial around this site &use it in the series?! guh, bad timing. she said they were gone by the following morning.

ivory

2011-10-27T22:52:00.003-06:00

elk are the only north american animal to produce ivory. they have one ivory tooth on each side of their upper jaw. ted scott of kremmling wild game processing gave me a pair from a cow &will a pair from a bull :) we really were blessed to meet such open, friendly, welcoming people. i am so excited to work with the images we got.

carrie witherell

2011-10-25T08:38:00.003-06:00

"relics."
http://www.carriewitherell.com/

kremmling

2011-10-23T21:21:00.003-06:00

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES FOLLOW.

favorites from day 2/2 of our trip to kremmling, CO, to photograph the elk hunt this weekend. screenshots of untouched raw files.

kremmling

2011-10-22T19:25:00.003-06:00

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES FOLLOW.

favorites from today.

thesis show

2011-10-19T22:53:00.002-06:00

cd mailer &exhibition postcard. feelin GOOD.

deer/rabbit

2011-10-17T10:44:00.002-06:00

frames

2011-10-14T20:37:00.004-06:00

ordered my first frame today to test with a thesis image, oh man, this is happening. so much money is going to disappear in the coming weeks. final size, 22x28! now let's see how much space i'll actually have in the gallery...

josh winegar

2011-10-13T21:55:00.004-06:00

from "the still life series."
i love that this was brought to my attention because i had been toying with the idea of still life/still life.
(thanks cassie!)
http://joshwinegar.com/

kim boske

2011-10-08T11:36:00.001-06:00

"decay can be very slow."
http://www.kimboske.com/

tamany baker

2011-10-03T19:22:00.002-06:00

my friend lynley made me aware of this artist today.
what a bittersweet feeling to see something so retroactively inspirational &so uncomfortably similar to the work i am making (although not exactly).
i think these images are beautiful, regardless of my relationship to them.
http://www.tamany.net/

open critique

2011-09-29T09:48:00.010-06:00

tuesday night two other students &i participated in the visual arts department's first open critique night. it was great to show my work to 20 strangers, both faculty &students. some responses were pretty humbling.
some incredibly relevant &inspiring imagery came up during my critique. these are slides of images i asked one extremely well educated art history professor to email to me. so very helpful.

bird

2011-09-19T17:45:00.004-06:00

found this afternoon in between buying 17x22" paper for thesis prints (!!!) &taking the train to school.

looking

2011-09-18T12:29:00.002-06:00

keep your eyes on the road.

ever searching for the elusive fox.

adam morrigan

2011-09-17T21:15:00.003-06:00

http://www.adammorrigan.co.uk/

catherine larré

2011-09-16T20:46:00.010-06:00

http://www.catherinelarre.com/

martin wittfooth

2011-09-15T07:57:00.011-06:00

http://www.martinwittfooth.com/

mia mulvey

2011-09-14T10:02:00.005-06:00

yesterday's early morning safety briefing at work gave me an excuse to actually be at the museum when not working &finally see overthrown before it leaves this weekend. i really liked mia mulvey's work.

this is the piece at DAM, mast year.

those zip ties are killin me though!
http://www.miamulvey.com/

prairie dog town

2011-09-12T09:05:00.005-06:00

finally, i was able to travel to oakley, KS, to photograph prairie dog town on our drive back from western new york. i have mixed feelings about this place. i am probably going to develop these images (&many more) into a series.

things i got

2011-09-07T11:02:00.004-06:00

scored some film from my friend alisha whose photography major roommate moved out last year, leaving 7 boxes in the fridge. they're expired &i've never used kodak plus-x 125 pro or fujicolor pro 400H (220) before? but we'll see.

i also got some huge teeth from a garage sale in leadville.

&bobcat &fox faces from the st. elmo general store. $6 each!

i have no idea what i'm doing with any of this yet. 100 days until graduation!

antiquing

2011-09-05T09:23:00.003-06:00

feeling all kinds of inspired by these two decks of cards i got at an antique store in leadville yesterday. it's my five-year anniversary with my boyfriend &i do sometimes take real vacations that aren't just about looking for roadkill.

driving

2011-08-31T14:47:00.002-06:00

this is about the route i took to &home from the springs monday night/tuesday morning looking for roadkill. i found a robin &a meadowlark. google maps says it took 3 hours &52 minutes. about to do some variation of it again tonight &tomorrow morning, buhhhhh.

georges rousse

2011-08-29T14:41:00.001-06:00

http://www.georgesrousse.com/

shlomi nissim

2011-08-25T19:32:00.004-06:00

work is great but this person's website is like whhyyyyy is it set up that way?
http://www.shlominissim.com/

evangola

2011-08-22T09:56:00.002-06:00

i used to love finding dead fish on this beach as a kid.

cfap

2011-08-18T16:08:00.003-06:00

came home to some good news last night.

only three artists in colorado were selected :)

http://www.c4fap.org/exhibitors/2011Dreams/

new

2011-08-07T21:20:00.002-06:00

one more new image (plus one not for the series) before we leave tonight. all real flowers instead of fake.
be back in ten days, hopefully with a whole lot more.

yes

2011-08-04T10:17:00.002-06:00

thesis

2011-07-29T12:57:00.007-06:00

for my own notes, these are the only two images i've made for thesis this summer:

i'm so screwed if i don't find a lot of roadkill on our trip in 2 weeks.

i know i want the existing images to be printed darker. i'm thinking of john pfahl's compost pictures as inspiration.

thoughts about film photography

2011-07-22T20:39:00.005-06:00

i feel like i am alive at a really important, exciting time in photography. since i got into this field in 2003, i have been aware of the constant debates about "film vs. digital photography," "will film photography survive," and most recently and what i am most interested in, the validity of a film and digital photography hybrid.

i see a lot of people (girls, especially) on flickr and tumblr spouting "film" photography. their profile pictures are of them with a canon AE-1 strapped around their necks, all their flickr pictures have the caption "film" under them, and they condemn the use of "digital photography." i know there will always be advocates of film, even as it, unfortunately, becomes less and less cost-effective and, therefore, more and more obsolete. i also think it is respectable that photographers today appreciate that an understanding of traditional photography is essential to anyone using photography today. but my problem with these girls is that, in my opinion, they aren't even really using film. in think they, in most cases, put film in their old 35mm cameras, take it to costco, and have it processed and scanned to a disc so they can immediately share the images online. i doubt the negatives are even looked at, if kept at all. obviously, the negatives are never used in a color darkroom and chromogenic prints are never made. hell, the negatives are never scanned and printed by the photographer herself. the images, made digital by a machine separate from the artist, exist solely digitally, and for the purpose of making the photographer's practice seem more authentic. i am confused as to how this process condones the photographer, and why these girls brag about using film when, really, they are making poorly exposed images on a camera they haven't mastered, all for a "look" they believe is most desirable, and a status they believe is elite in today's world of image making.

[my own experience is this: for four years, i shot solely film. i was a high school student without a color darkroom, and without a traditional darkroom, in fact, and i had no interest in digital technology. i had my film processed at the king soopers photo lab and i had 4x6 prints made. i scanned each and every 4x6 print, edited it, hosted it, and posted it on my livejournal. i saw no flaws with this process until the end of my senior year of high school (i was mostly making digital files for the purpose of documenting my life in an online journal, but balticphotography.com was born when i was 15 and a sophomore so, admittedly, my early "portfolio" images were made in this manner as well). in my "photojournalsim" class sophomore year, i was the only student using a film camera for assignments and handing in index prints instead of discs. my distant uncle learned i was becoming interested in photography and, for whatever reason, gave me $250 to use toward the cause. i bought a powershot mostly for making videos but also for making snapshots of my friends. in february of my senior year of high school, i bought a canon 30D, and continued to use my film camera because i simply could not be bothered to learn how to use my expensive, new SLR and preferred the process i was familiar (and in love) with. my process was similar to that of the girls i am criticizing, but also different; i experienced the images i was making on more than a digital level. by scanning my prints (which had to have taken an hour a roll, i'm sure), i was dealing with an image that was not digital from the start. eventually, i went to art school and decided i had to be smarter about how i was using photography. i learned black and white processing and printing and color printing and never had 4x6 prints of my negatives made again. i began a more archival and professional process of my original "scanning to digitize" ways when i wanted to shoot film and make inkjet prints, which i did for a couple of years. now, almost all the work i make is both shot and printed digitally.]

i think it is a little naive to invest, financially and emotionally, in film and traditional photography as a young photographer now. it is becoming so expensive to shoot, process, and print film, and color darkroom facilities are disappearing from college campuses all over the country. i do believe someone, somewhere, will always be manufacturing film and darkroom supplies. however, it seems like a lot of stress to remain committed to an increasingly inaccessible art form for the sake of feeling authentic. that being said, i think you should do what makes you happy. nathaniel takes film pictures everywhere we go and i don't think he ever even has them developed. and obviously, i think we should let other people do what makes them happy.

i would also like to talk about the cost of being a photographer. in one of my classes this spring semester, a person who was not an artist of any kind was making an example out of taking out a loan for photography equipment and asked my instructor, a commercial photographer, about how much a camera cost. she answered, "oh, anyone can get an acceptable, basic camera for about... two grand." my first camera, a canon EOS rebel G, my parents bought for me when i was a freshman in high school. it was $189 (i remember that seemed like so much at the time). my two canon powershots (again, not for anything serious) probably cost about $200 apiece. my canon 30D with a basic lens cost me $1,100. i really should have done more research about it, because i hated it, and sold it for $500. in march of 2009, i bought a nikon D40X with a basic lens for about $550, and in may of this year i bought a $200 f/1.8 lens. the images i make with this setup, totaling under $800, are some of my favorite i've ever made. i'd love to have a camera with a full frame sensor someday. i'd love to own a mamiya 7. i'd love to shoot film, be it 35, 120, or 4x5, for the rest of my life. but right now, i'm really happy using my "inexpensive" nikon setup for all the projects i'm working on.

if you told me at 15 that i'd be redeeming digital photography at 22, i wouldn't have believed you (in fact, i even wrote a very flawed essay about how film was "better" than digital in my sophomore year of high school), and like every other self-proclaimed-15-year-old-photographer in the early 2000s, i'll always love and appreciate the magic of film. it feels trite, but i'll say it: the whole world seems to be going digital. the only way to "get your work out there" and become well known is to have a twitter, tumblr, flickr, website, facebook page, etc., and get "reblogged" by better knowns, but that's another post in itself.

i'm thrilled to talk to anyone about this here, by email, on facebook, or elsewhere :) i make posts like this so that, later, i don't forget that i felt this way.

christer karlstad

2011-07-21T18:01:00.003-06:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/christerkarlstad/

dry the river - no rest

2011-07-18T14:45:00.001-06:00

http://youtu.be/3iUHfAChgBA

an interesting &relevant music video brought to my attention by my boyfriend, nathaniel.

flor garduño

2011-07-15T08:10:00.003-06:00

http://www.florgarduno.com/

internship/richard misrach

2011-07-14T08:30:00.005-06:00

perks of my internship: i have been looking for this richard misrach image digitally for years. all i can ever find of his online are deserts &other landscapes. at my internship, i scan old contact sheets &apertures &select images to add to the visual resource collection. snagged this one to camp out here.

this is what i do at my internship. right now, i scan, edit, &assign metadata to images for six hours every monday (the only day the museum is closed). it's my favorite "job" i've ever had. i seriously love it.

bands

2011-07-11T08:14:00.001-06:00

jay j matott &the arctic

popcult

http://www.flickr.com/photos/emmakisiel/

kate breakey

2011-07-08T09:11:00.004-06:00

from "memories &dreams."

from "small deaths."

http://www.katebreakey.com/

kevin sloan

2011-07-02T18:05:00.002-06:00

http://kevinsloan.com/

giuseppe arcimboldo

2011-07-01T11:09:00.003-06:00

obviously, these all come from here.
love them!

maitanaka

2011-06-30T18:48:00.003-06:00

happened upon these images in internet land, don't want to forget they exist. they come from here, which is in japanese, i think.
(also, can i one day do this to dean, who uncomfortably looks a lot like this cat?)

francois robert

2011-06-28T18:40:00.001-06:00

from "stop the violence."
http://francoisrobertphotography.com/

liu di

2011-06-22T08:57:00.001-06:00

"animal regulation."
images are from here.

oscar ciutat

2011-06-21T09:24:00.003-06:00

from "caged."
http://oscarciutat.com/

things i've learned

2011-06-15T12:15:00.007-06:00

after i made this post, my friend dan linked to it in the facebook group for critique that he is a part of. immediately, the responses were almost all in critique/attack of not my words (my work), but me ("And why is she bitching exactly? Because people don't 'like' her photos? I don't either").
this really disappointed me. i wasn't expecting readers to completely miss the point of my post. i wasn't asking anyone to critique or even look at my work, but instead address the apathetic attitudes of artists in educational or otherwise driven critique settings. i wish i could say the responses reiterated the "complaint" i was making, but it mostly just confirmed a small part of it--i feel like there is a switch in artists' (people's?) brains that goes off when looking at another's artwork (or writing) that initiates either attack or defense mode. i feel like this switch rarely says, "oh, artwork! let me look &form opinions based on what i see &relate it to my own experiences." i feel like it's more like "oh, art. let me look at this &try to find its flaws &bring its creator down a notch. after all, that creator should understand 'it's cutthroat.'" this is all if the initial response is not complete indifference or apathy, of course. so i guess in making this post i actually made things worse--it's not that the entire population is indifferent to art; some of them are actually just really mean &negative.
all of this i know, &have known for a long time. i guess i'm just disappointed because i tried to start a conversation &get answers, &failed somehow. i was following the thread on my phone since i was away in kansas, &after every response i thought, "hey, ok, ouch, but maybe people will start to talk about the problem i discussed &stop talking about me &my 'bitching.'" but they didn't, so i failed, in that arena.
otherwise, it felt great just to know people relate. i received some awesome responses, emails, &facebook messages from other artists &art students, in different media &other parts of the world, who really only had to say, "yep. it sucks, huh?" but said so much more that just made me say, "RIGHT?!" we thought of some things we can do, particularly in my program, to address the problem. that feels good.
most important were friends' purely supportive messages i obviously but not admittedly needed. those who know me know i'd never actually give this up. i am so thankful for the love of my friends &followers, &their reminding me that it is okay to be down on myself once in a while (&their bringing me back up).

my life changed more than i've ever realized or acknowledged when i left mica. i cannot even relate to the person i was toward the end of my sophomore year there, when things (i) really started to fall apart. when i moved away, i left more than an expensive institution with many cold, selfish people. i left to focus on my family, both present &future. i don't know why this should make me feel any guilt, but i have not really been able to accept that by leaving mica &the east coast i immediately made it more difficult for myself to have the artistic career i had planned on having right out of undergrad. it's hard for me to accept that what i want has changed. i do not want to be an artist in the "selfish" sense. i don't want to make decisions that only benefit me; i want to make decisions that are good for my family. i recently made a list of goals for myself that i am really happy with, &that feels good. still, seeing this picture of the mica photo graduating class that i would have been standing with gave me mixed feelings.

(congrats to all of you. i am SO proud of you.)

anyway, THINGS I'VE LEARNED/things to keep in mind:
-if someone refuses to or can't articulate with any intelligence why they "don't like" or don't respond to my work, i do not have to accept that "critique" with any seriousness.
-commercial-minded people, students with no intention or ambition to pursue art beyond their BA from a university, bitter, old dudes &assholes on the internet, &even instructors i respect are not necessarily the people i have to "impress." i am the person i have to impress. as long as making pictures makes me happy, i can justify the inherent selfishness in doing it.
-i can afford to take all of this a little less seriously.
-i may never find the community of artists i am looking for, but i do have friends that understand what i'm doing &support me.
-it is always okay to be vulnerable &it is never okay to be unnecessarily mean.
-i can disregard the people who try to keep me down when i've fallen &i should appreciate those who constantly help me up.

i'll start using this blog again now.

grades

2011-06-05T08:51:00.002-06:00

my CU cumulative total GPA is 3.817 currently. hoping to graduate summa cum laude. someone could probably tell me whether or not this is actually possible. i don't know how my mica GPA factors in...

i'm coming back to this blog soon.

this will be a long, candid post

2011-05-15T10:04:00.004-06:00

i have been making pictures for, relative to my age, a long time. i have been studying photography at the college level for four years. four years before that, i started taking pictures seriously, scanning my 4 x 6 drugstore prints from film and showing them to people online. i have always loved the idea of making art and receiving feedback. i have been searching since i was fourteen years old for a place where i felt i fit in, a part of a community, online, in high school art classes and clubs, at a private college for art, and in a public university. i've had some good experiences, but mostly disappointments. i've known some people who seem as passionate about this as i am, but few. thursday, during my final critique in advanced 1, something in me finally snapped.
i know that i have never really fit in, that my work has been strange and while i have gained fans and followers, i have never had close friends in photography or a sense of community among artists. but thursday i realized that, ever since transferring into this program a year and a half ago, i have felt judged and sometimes attacked in almost every critique. thursday, my critique group members did not even address me as though i were in the room, and this was my work they were talking about.
it's not as though i can't take a rough critique. i am well aware that, working with dead animals and sometimes evasive, hard-to-access meanings, my work will not always be praised. this is not about needing to have "thicker skin;" it's not even as though thursday's critique was rough. comments were despondent, un-concrete, and just negative in energy. my critique thursday made me feel a way i have ever felt before, in eight years of actively making pictures. the thought of picking up my camera, juicy brand new lens and all, actually makes me sick. i have never, ever felt that before, and so i know that now, something is very, very wrong.
after thursday's critique, i seriously considered deactivating this blog and removing my portfolio website. &because my critique group changes little next semester when i take advanced 2, i am still considering graduating with a BA instead of a BFA so that i will not have to take advanced 2 or thesis in the fall. honestly, i know i will still make work, regardless of what "motivation" or who is around me. i feel like i need to be supported (given constructive input) or on my own, not brought down by a group of people with only negative, nonconstructive comments.

i want to start a discussion. if you can separate the following questions from my personal anecdote above and think about these questions in regard to your own experiences, i urge you to do so for the sake of the progression of discussion.

why do so many creative people feel that, in order to succeed, someone else has to fail?
why do so many students in art programs seem to resent those eager and excited to learn, share, and succeed, and want to bring them down?
why are those with passion and talent regarded as a threat instead of an inspiration to those who don't yet have style or conceptual interest?
what is it people want to get out of art-making if not trust, honesty, input, and community?
why is, "[the industry is] cutthroat" an acceptable excuse to "complaints" about a lack of a strong art community? leaving aside commercial artists who compete for jobs, why is it outrageous to consider other fine artists teammates instead of competition?
why would a person pay for an education in an art program and only offer and accept apathy from the peers and instructors whose input they are essentially paying for?

i will probably be adding to this post as time passes &as a think about whether or not i want to continue making art publicly.

i am open to responses &conversation here, in my email, on facebook, wherever.

baltic update

2011-05-11T09:32:00.003-06:00

i've added at rest, which is my ongoing thesis project for my BFA, &down to sleep to baltic.

colleen plumb

2011-05-10T12:47:00.004-06:00

from "animals are outside today."

actually more interested in the statement than the images, although i find them very intriguing as well.

In 1928, Henry Beston stated regarding animals in his book, The Outermost House: “They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth.” Animals Are Outside Today is a journey examining underneath this net, offering us the chance to contemplate our intersections with animals and consider the multi-layered impact humans have on other living beings.

Contradictions define our relationships with animals. We love and admire them; we are entertained and fascinated by them; we take our children to watch and learn about them. Animals are embedded within core human history—evident in our stories, rituals and symbols. At the same time, we eat, wear and cage them with seeming indifference, consuming them, and their images, in countless ways.

Our connection to animals today is often developed through assimilation and appropriation; we absorb them into our lives, yet we no longer know of their origin. Most people are cut off from the steps involved in their processing or acquisition, shielded from witnessing their death or decay. This series moves within these contradictions, always questioning if the notion of the sacred, and the primal connection to Nature that animals convey and inspire, will survive alongside our evolution.

http://www.colleenplumb.com/

more jeongmee yoon

2011-05-09T08:34:00.002-06:00

from "natural history museum."
http://www.jeongmeeyoon.com/

jeongmee yoon

2011-05-08T15:23:00.003-06:00

i have posted jeongmee yoon's pink &blue project here in the past, but i love these images from "zoo" &the work in "the natural history museum" that i will post tomorrow (or at least soon).
http://www.jeongmeeyoon.com/

jan kempenaers

2011-05-03T13:02:00.004-06:00

abandoned yugoslavian monuments from the future.
http://www.jankempenaers.info/
from here.

justice &police museum photos

2011-04-30T12:57:00.003-06:00

in love with these photos from the sydney justice &police museum collection. thanks to the lovely ms. sigri strand for sharing this link with me! many more images here.
i am dying trying to complete final papers &projects &prepare for exams. i promise to post more after may 11, i don't think i've ever neglected this blog so much in over two years. buying myself a new lens for my birthday monday. making lots of new work!

working

2011-04-19T09:08:00.003-06:00

more pictures from my shoots on our pacific northwest trip. because i think they're funny &documentary &i haven't had a lot of time to be doing/looking at anything else lately (obviously).

college

2011-04-12T22:21:00.003-06:00

this is what my schedule looks like for my last semester of my undergraduate degree. it is weird to think that, had i stayed at mica, i would have been graduating a month from saturday. overall i am very confident in my decision to transfer to ucd &change my life to move to denver.
also i am taking a required "international perspectives" class called "the world at war: 1914-1945" online this summer, haaaaa.

grad school

2011-04-07T17:36:00.004-06:00

programs i kind of impulsively decided to probably apply to with carol in our conversations over the past few days:
university of washington
university at buffalo
columbia college chicago

programs i pretty much have my heart set on:
university of new mexico

aled lewis

2011-04-06T23:03:00.006-06:00

from "toy stories."
http://www.aledlewis.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35699504@N00/

sold

2011-04-05T17:56:00.004-06:00

look how cool mail from australia looks!
as i mentioned earlier, a very nice person has bought "stray cat," my piece in last semester's UCD juried student show. (i am going to cut a new mat for it before sending it to her.)

beach kill

2011-04-04T19:58:00.001-06:00

spring break

2011-03-30T13:03:00.004-06:00

a quick picture of what i spent my spring break doing. admittedly because nathaniel will lay in bed next to me on his laptop &say, "i wish this girl would update her blog," &i'll look over &it's mine (of course, what other girl's blog would he be looking at?) :X
so, finally, i have a working macbook again. i installed a new &larger hard drive (all by myself), borrowed an OS because it turns out you need one of those to install a new hard drive!, tried about 10 times to install said OS because my disc drive is failing, tried about 25 times to install adobe, successfully installed adobe, successfully ran updates, &now can successfully process raw files from my trip in photoshop. it's been a headache, but i'm really excited to start working on these images.

adolphe braun

2011-03-26T12:34:00.004-06:00

well, we made it back from our trip to the pacific northwest last night. we had a great time &i think i made some good images for my thesis, but my hard drive crashed on the way back thursday so i can't say for sure until i start working on them in the lab next week.

our first day, we went to the portland art museum &saw "riches of a city: portland collects," in which i saw an adolphe braun print. so beautiful.
images are from here.

vera mercer

2011-03-17T08:13:00.002-06:00

images are from here &here.

juried show

2011-03-16T07:35:00.002-06:00

these pieces are in the ucd juried show at the emmanuel gallery, march 17 through april 7 (but closed the week of spring break). the opening is tomorrow &i am going to make an appearance in between packing &running errands for our big trip.

mica

2011-03-15T11:21:00.004-06:00

proof that i didn't meet only terrible people &have only negative experiences in that two &a half years. some people at mica photo are so, so awesome.

spring break

2011-03-14T09:26:00.004-06:00

this is everywhere nathaniel &i will be for our FINAL spring break from college starting this friday. we're going to portland, camping in pocatallo, ID, &avoiding UT on the way there &camping in twin falls, ID, &going through UT on the way back. we plan to visit seattle as well. we are so excited to drive. here's a hint as to why:

an image from my newly developed thesis project :)

jessica tremp

2011-03-10T12:57:00.003-07:00

http://www.jessicatremp.com/

artist desktops

2011-03-06T10:39:00.001-07:00

participated in the wonderful nate larson's artist desktops project.
http://artistdesktops.tumblr.com/

my desktop picture is one of annie marie musselman's.

clive landen

2011-03-03T15:04:00.001-07:00

from "familiar british wildlife."
images come from all over.

joss mckinley

2011-02-22T15:09:00.003-07:00

"underneath an abject window."

http://www.jossmckinley.com/

irina werning

2011-02-21T09:34:00.003-07:00

from "back to the future."
http://irinawerning.com/

dead man

2011-02-20T22:45:00.001-07:00

gosh, this scene really, really got me.
these images are from here.

grad school

2011-02-18T10:16:00.002-07:00

do i want to go (for an MFA in photography)?

currently accepting email responses to this question
inestonia@gmail.com

audrey corregan

2011-02-16T09:55:00.001-07:00

from "obviously."
http://www.audreycorregan.com/

christian siekmeier

2011-02-15T10:23:00.002-07:00

"four seasons"

"venison"

http://www.christiansiekmeier.com/

mica

2011-02-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

i had some really wonderful instructors.

stray cat

2011-02-03T10:12:00.002-07:00

because i've been deathly ill, all i can post is this.
here's me looking super dorky with my boyfriend &my print in the juried student show. it's probably going to sell, if the purchaser is willing to pay to have it shipped all the way to australia (the print, not the boyfriend). also, thanks mom for the red eyes :)

cornucopian dog

2011-01-27T17:32:00.001-07:00

joel-peter witkin. such an important image in my life right now.

jill cole

2011-01-26T08:20:00.003-07:00

from "birds."
http://www.jillcole.com/

elijah gowin

2011-01-25T18:21:00.003-07:00

i was lucky enough to attend elijah gowin &his wife (associate curator of photography at the nelson-atkins museum of art) april watson's lecture at the DAM saturday. i was unlucky enough to not be able to attend their critique at my school friday afternoon. they are both great speakers &i'm glad i got to at least see them speak.
these images are from elijah gowin's "of falling and floating."
http://elijahgowin.com/

kimberly witham

2011-01-18T19:22:00.003-07:00

from "transcendence"

from "untitled"

http://www.kimberlywitham.com/